Carol Rathe

Long Covid had been raging in my body for 10 months, but I was on a new medication, which was helping. The medication meant there were days when I could get together with friends. I could finally go to a movie, or out to lunch. It felt like liberation from the endless days of sitting. It wasn’t perfect, but I had these good moments amid the usual numbing fatigue.

Then one day I decided to mop the kitchen floor. I managed to clean about a 3-foot swath and suddenly I had to grab the kitchen counter because I didn’t think I could stand up. I hurt all over from that little bit of effort. It was a familiar and habitual feeling, and it was a perfect metaphor for Long Covid. Every day I wonder if my body will have any energy. I wonder if I can do anything at all. I wonder if I can have a life. I wonder if I’ll ever feel healthy again. I wonder if anyone will understand. I wonder if I’ll always be alone with this curse. I have lots of strategies for dealing with this situation, but underneath all the strategies, I still have the fear that I’ll never be well again.